I have just finished reading Chris from South Africa’s story and was very moved by it.After reading Zoe’s story I felt compelled to write my own.So here goes.
It started very young for me and to this day I still wonder how or why these thoughts come to a person.It’s obviously something we’re mean’t to experience in this life and I often wonder why.Having said that I’m glad that they did.
I was invited to my cousins birthday party.I was somewhere between 5 and 10 years old and I was the only boy there.I remember Mum asked me if that was going to be a problem and I couldn’t imagine why it would be.All the girls were dressed in pretty party dresses.There was one girl who had on a really nice pink one with a sheer covering over the top and a nice waistband sash that tied to a bow at the back.It looked very soft and inviting.I remember thinking I wonder what it would feel like to wear that.I bet it would be VERY nice.
I was lucky growing up as I was alone a lot which I didn’t mind and to this day I still prefer my own company.I ‘ve got friends sure ,but can’t truly relax until I’m alone dressed in womens clothes.I am an only child and because Dad was away a lot with work I spent a lot of time with my Mum,who I was quite close to.I ,too,used to watch her get dressed.She was very particular on how she looked.Very prim and proper as well as very well groomed ,as was I.She was very attractive with a curvy figure.Size 10-12 narrow flat waist,wide hips and shoulders with D cup sized breasts.One day she was laying out all her swimming costumes on the bed.We lived near the beach and went quite often.Growing up in Australia going to the beach and learning how to swim was very much a part of our culture.I remember looking at a pink one piece she had and thinking to myself if I put that on I’ll look like a women,won’t that be fun ? I was 12 and puberty had just arrived as I had a bit of hair downstairs already.This swimsuit was nylon and had a nice short pleated skirt sprouting from the waist just covering the crotch area.50’s style with a low cut back.It also had what I can only assume were stiff plastic lengths inserted in the torso area to enable it to hug the wearer.With the built in stiff cups for the breasts this suit had the female shape already.I put it on and I was HOOKED.I tried on her clothes on a regular basis when no one was around after that. On one occasion I put on her white knee high boots (we were the same size then) a black nylon half slip and tucked this up under the bra I had already put on.The perfect babydoll out fit with sexy boots and D cup breasts.The feeling was incredible.Bra’s stood out on their own in those days as they were quite stiff.I looked like I had breasts.I looked down and wondered in awe what would it be like to have some.I love breasts.I’m a little obsessed.All my old girlfriends had big ones.Then one day things changed.I had put on another of mum’s one pieces,this one was shift style.At the bottom on either side it had two slits which made the material spread out and created the illusion of wide hips.On the inside suspended by white elastic strips atthached to either side of the waist were separate high waisted panties.With the built in breast cups I looked like a voluptuous girl and with the soft satin polyester against my skin I was instantly turned on and had my first sexual experience.I was shocked and a little humiliated as I didn’t know what was going on.I was really worried as I thought I was a freak and completely unique.After a while however,I decided I didn’t care because if something felt this good ,surely it couldn’t be bad for you. Right ? Right.
I kept dressing up on a regular basis when no one was around using apples for breasts .Around this time the fashions were made mostly with polyester.I was in 7th heaven.Around the age of 19 I stopped because I thought this isn’t normal surely.I was an athlete,what if my surfer or football mates found out,I’d be ridiculed.
As I got older I developed an affinity towards women,preferring their company and conversation.My two closest friends are women.One said to me the other day,you know I can talk to you about anything,you’re just like one of my girlfriends.I thought you don’t know the half of it.
Anyway,I soon started up again.I kept dressing up in secret for years hiding it from my girlfriends and friends as well as Mum and Dad who were quite conservative.The 90’s came around and I found myself living alone and enjoying it.I was going to dance parties with my gym friends and hanging out at gay night clubs at night.The perfect place to “come out” you’d think but I considered my secret to be private and personal and when I was out at night I couldn’t wait to get home,have a shower and relax in front of the tele wearing some nice lingerie.
Obviously by this stage I had realized I wasn’t unique.I had my own hips and various breast inserts and a lot of nice clothes.I have a good body and don’t look my age.I grew to be about a size 16-18 with a flat stomach and being 5ft 5” i look quite voluptuous done up.I have dark Irish features which are very strong so as a result I get a lot of second glances from people who think they know me or someone like me.I get that a lot.Because of this I have been scared of experimenting with make-up.I’d be mortified if someone gave me a second look and realized I was a man.If confronted I wouldn’t know what to do.I am a very visual person and a perfectionist so my look would have to be close to perfect before I went out.Maybe thanks to this website I can achieve that.
I moved back home in the year 2000 to be around for my parents who were getting elderly.Dad was an only child as well, so we had little family and need to stick together.So I stopped again.When I think of all the nice blouses and skirts that went to charity.Oh well.hopefully they’ve gone to a nice home.I couldn’t tell Mum and Dad as they had enough stress in their lives as Mum eventually died from cancer and Dad soon after from dementia related illness.Mum wouldn’t have understood as she envisioned married with children for me.Dad may have gotten his head around it but would have been really disappointed as he was a real ladies man in hid day and a mans man to boot.
They passed in 2009 and I’ve been single and living alone since 2010 and loving it.I’d only come up with a name for myself a few months back as my feminine side is really starting to shine through.I think if I’d been a girl I’d have been athletic so I couldn’t see myself having a girly name like Michelle or Allison or whatever .I really liked the “J “names like Julie,Jenny,Jasmine,Jane or Jodi.So,Jodi it is.
I love dressing as Jodie,the swirl of a nice dress or skirt about my legs is divine.The feel of any luxurious fabric against my skin is heavenly.
Thankyou Zoe for the opportunity to express myself here it was very liberating.I’ll download the quide when I can and I’ll go from there.Love and light to you and all the girls out there.Thanks for listening.